One for the Gun Lovers

A good comedian would find to way to write this story so that it's funny.  I'm neither, a comedian or good.

This will be a thrill for those who oppose gun control.  I, an advocate for limiting access to certain guns, discharged a gun this morning and I took the life of a living being.  Over the past several weeks we have lost three peahens and about nine chickens.  Several days ago in the middle of the day I walked into the barn and surprised something that quickly scurried out of the building.  Thinking it might have been the neighbor's cat I continued with my original intent to photograph the wild baby turkeys and three hens that were passing by.  Just then to my surprise and the surprise of the intruder a raccoon came into view about 12 feet away stood up and looked at me.  He (or she) wandered off and I retrieved my gun from the house.

Except for that one time the fowl killer comes randomly in the dark of night.  Since my gun doesn't have night vision, it doesn't discharge numerous shots allowing me to miss and still have a chance to be successfully, and I don't like the idea of sitting up all night, we rented a life trap.  Last evening we set it with the remains of a chicken kill from a couple days ago.  Wondering if I had set the trap properly as I was crawling into bed, I grabbed a flashlight, some pants and headed out the door.  As I came into view of the trap two bright eyes looked at me.  I returned to bed knowing that daylight would come in the morning and I could finish the job then.

So this morning, I placed a single long rifle 22 bullet into the single-shot bolt-action rifle.  I put the barrel through the cage and pulled the trigger.  I thought I had brought a proper tool to remove the shell from the gun but it didn't work so I returned to the shop for a better tool and removed the spent cartridge.

It was all quiet as the sun rose at its designated 5:30 time.  The score was raccoon 12, Denvy 1, but I think I have ended the serial killings in the barn.  Oh by the way, the chicken and peafowl are in a completely enclosed pen with a top and there seem to be no evidence of how the intruder intruded.  With the help of the loader on a garden tractor the raccoon has returned to nature and I am so glad that the government did not take from me my single-shot 22-rifle along with semi-automatic assault guns.  And why would we; we're the government and we're reasonable people electing reasonable leaders.  But that's another story.